Has anyone else noticed my lack of regular blogging lately?  Anyone else noticed that coincides with the time I found out I was pregnant?  Is it just me?  Maybe subconsciously I don't want to throw up on the keyboard.  I have been ambivalent about this pregnancy, and feeling guilty about it.  I don't think I'm a bad person because I'm a bit grumpy about the timing of the whole thing.  But I have had some people contact me, concerned about my enjoyment levels.  Well, back in the initial shock of the whole thing, I really didn't feel like putting on a happy face for other people.  Anyone who knows me would see right through it.  As we all know, trying to be something you're not, or behaving against your character, is very energy draining.

I'm a little better now.  I can't panic about where we're going to put the baby, or where to relocate my husband's office in the house, or anything else right now.  Right now, it's all about "clean up on aisle three", if you catch my drift.  I haven't had a lot of queasiness yet, but those times when it does hit, ohmygod!  Don't touch me, move me, or make me move, and I'm fine.

I think my writing may take a kick in the pants over this one.  My perspective has totally shifted.  Pros and cons to that.  Before, I wanted to do nothing but write.  Now, I just want to get through the next few months!

I bet I sound like such a weenie to those pro moms out there!  Ah well.  I will eventually toughen up, be a mom, and get through it.  And have a great family to show for it.  I can remember in high school what I wanted to be when I grew up, what I wanted to do.  Now, I just want to make sure my kids don't become fodder for tv movie of the week!

So I guess the point of this whole midnight-trying-not-to-throw-up-blog is this.  My focus is trashed and my faith has taken a hit.  This would be a pretty good time in my life to have focus and faith, I think.  To be focused enough that I'm not sitting on the couch in a fog, waiting for someone to bring ice cream.  To have the faith to remember my old mantra, that everything works out in some way.  To gain encouragement from the fact that I already have stretch marks, so nothing to worry about there!

Who else out there has watched Alien 3 when pregnant?  (This is where I hit my head repeatedly with my hand, shouting "stupid stupid stupid!") 

Oh, and by the way:  www.drhorrible.com.  That's all I have to say.  I haven't laughed so hard in a long time.  Well, since last week watching "Wipeout".