This is a rough draft.  I probably am making many of the mistakes I complain about in the poem (some are intentional), but I was too disappointed in a certain book to hold back.  DISCLAIMER:    I'm sure there are several self-published novels that are very good.  However, my most recent experience was not, as you will soon see.

ODE TO A SELF-PUBLISHED HACK

"I know that guy!" I said
When I saw your book on the shelf
You gave me D's in college
I smiled in spite of myself.

You did what I dream to do
You published yourself a book
I was so excited and happy for you
I couldn't wait to take a look.

Three pages-that's all it took!
The truth hit home like a hammer
With all your credentials and bona fides
You and your friends don't know JACK-
About prufing,; punctuation-, or grammar.

My heart has fallen to the floor
My sun is no longer shining.
Twenty bucks gone, now what?
Hmm...the bird cage needs new lining...

Congratulations, sir, on your book
You did what I dream to do
I guess I can only pray
That people will learn from me
As I have learned from you.